What are you responsible for, really?

Jul 7

We inspire women to break the rule that declares women are responsible for everything. Yet our very definition of leadership in our programs is:

Leaders are responsible for their worlds.

How can these both be true?

The patriarchy impacts your relationship to responsibility. You feel responsible for everything. And you can’t imagine a world where you get to have less responsibility. The patriarchy wants you to believe there’s no other way.

The patriarchy is everywhere — at work and at home — making the responsibility you carry even heavier. Yet, when you hold responsibility for everything, the patriarchy wins. All that responsibility wears you down. So much so that you don't have the energy to imagine or create something different.

The patriarchal status quo — the one that wants women to forget their power — remains intact.

We help women see that, while it feels like there’s no other option, there is. There’s no rule declaring what you’re responsible for, even though it feels like there is. The patriarchy has made up the belief that women are responsible for everything. The belief sticks because it's perpetuated daily by how all people behave in the system — including you.

You can break this made up rule by refusing to collude with it. By not taking on all the things.

This is why leadership matters

When we say that leaders are responsible for their worlds, we don’t mean you’re responsible for everything in the world. You’re responsible for only one thing: your choices.

Being a leader requires a shift where you begin to see yourself as the chooser in your life. It’s less about what you choose and more about your awareness of that choice. That you see yourself as the woman making a choice.

And all choices are valid.

You can choose to change nothing.

You can choose to change everything.

You can choose to do nothing.

You can choose to take a huge leap.

In all these choices, you’re the chooser. You’re the leader.

The greatest chance you have to change your world is through the choices you’re making. This is what it means to be responsible for your world.

Where there is not always choice

There are things you can’t choose. Circumstances are real, and you can’t always choose them. Bad bosses, an executive team that’s out of touch, a team member who struggles to contribute effectively to the team. The fact that the patriarchy exists. None of these are chosen.

You often can’t choose the systems present in your life. You can choose how you respond to those systems.

We refused to comply with the idea that women’s lack of upward mobility was rooted in a lack of skills. We couldn’t have disagreed more.

What happens when you step into being a leader

Being aware of your choices is scary, because you also become aware that you’re responsible for the impact of your choices. Sometimes that impact isn’t what you intended, but you’re still responsible for it. The choice here is in how you respond to that impact.

You can:

Clean it up with ownership and an apology.
Shift something in what you do or who you’re being to create a different impact.
Let it sit without doing a single thing differently.

Learning how to sit with an impact without doing something is the hardest thing for many women. And often, the most necessary.

If you’re a woman working in a male dominated industry, oftentimes your impact has more to do with others than it has to do with you. Not everything is yours to own and clean up.

All are valid choices. And you’re the chooser.

How to recognize where you’re responsible

We’ve outlined a few clear delineations, neither of which is an exhaustive list.

Things you can influence, but ARE NOT responsible for:

Others’ actions.
Others’ ideas.
Others’ feelings.
Others’ thoughts of you.
Others’ motives.

Things you ARE responsible for:

Your values and aligning your actions to those values.
Your level of involvement or effort.
The input you take in from the outside.
The vision you have for yourself and your world.
Your boundaries.
How you care for yourself.
When and how you ask for help.

Call for reflection

What is one thing you’re unnecessarily taking responsibility for right now? Be the leader. Make an active choice that lets you, not the patriarchy, determine your responsibility.

Shine On,
Alicia

Guest User