You’re responsible, but not for this

I recently connected with a group of women about how we were feeling at the moment. The predominant sense was an impossibility of taking on one more thing. Even when that thing is enjoyable.

I was coming hot off of crying after my son’s daycare posted a notice about the spirit week festivities coming up. At first pass, spirit week is something that sounds fun. My son is at an age where he actually gets it and it’d be fun to watch his enthusiasm. Yet it overwhelmed me. Another thing to plan for and hold. Add in that it’s for an entire week, and it really loses its shimmer.

[Spoiler: I settled for participating one day, pajama day. It required the least amount of work but still let him participate].

I’ve heard from many of you that it feels like responsibilities are being piled on top of you. Maybe it’s not about your kid’s daycare but it's something creating a tipping point into overwhelm. And maybe tears. 

Perhaps your organization slashed positions and your workload doubled. Or your calendar is filling with more meetings to talk pivots and strategies in this climate. Or the explosion of AI is creating a sense of urgency for your already stretched attention. Or you’re navigating changes to your routine and commute with a shift in work-from-home policies. Perhaps you've been asked to volunteer your time to mentor others. Or participate in panels at your company.

Most of you feel buried under more responsibility than feels bearable right now. 

So when I declare that leaders are responsible for their world, the listener’s immediate reaction is to laugh. The invitation to take responsibility feels counter to wanting to offload responsibility. 

This part of my leadership definition — leaders are responsible for their world — is different. It means taking responsibility for your world as you see it. That includes a willingness to actually acknowledge your reality and make conscious choices that honor what you see.

Responsibility includes deciding what (and who) you’re going to be responsible for. It requires a willingness to say no (even if just for now) to certain people and things. Even if others place responsibility upon you. 

Leadership also lives in how you respond to situations. Many women have an almost automatic “yes” response. Doing this is taking on responsibility even before it’s explicitly requested. It’s so automatic that it’s hard to notice.

Three shifts in response can lighten your responsibility and increase your capacity as a leader. 
 

1. Just because you can do something doesn’t mean you have to. 

You can have the capability or competency to do something and still choose not to. Capability isn’t the only filter to use in evaluating whether you'll do something. Even having open time in your calendar doesn't mean you have to say yes. There is still a choice.

For example, I was coaching a client today about employee development. They’ve historically loved that part of their role, but their role has changed. They've gone from working for a company to founding their own. They’re realizing certain employee development opportunities need addressing, but they can't take it on themselves as a founder. They have to offload that responsibility so they can focus on critical business needs.
 

2. Just because someone asks you to do something doesn’t mean you have to.  

This is where my daycare example lives. Women who don’t want to do what’s asked of them often feel guilt. Guilt is a representation of society’s expectations of you more than it is an indicator of what’s important to you.  
 

3. Just because you are present to a challenge doesn’t mean you have to jump in.

You offer help or services without explicitly being asked. This looks like diving into solution mode with an employee who's come to you with a problem. It could be the first mention of a problem in a meeting and you raise your hand to look into it. Or being the first to volunteer to make a call or run an errand when a partner, sibling or parent mentions a need. Finding something in your house at someone's mention they've misplaced it. These may all be small, but they add up very quickly. Not every problem needs solving and not every problem needs your attention.

These hard, but necessary decisions are the heart of leadership. It’s impossible to do everything asked of you. Even the things that sound interesting or enjoyable.
 

Call for reflection:

What is one thing you’re automatically taking on that you can let go?

Shine On, 

Alicia

(Image by Ankush Minda via Unsplash)