A lonely truth about leadership
Women who attend our programs uncover their personal leadership styles. We assert that great leadership includes more of you, not less.
Values are a core part of each woman's unique style. Once they identify them, we introduce a framework for how to lead with those values at the forefront.
Why it’s hard to lead with values
One of my values is truth telling.
I don’t mean identifying and speaking the ultimate truth. I don’t think there is one. For me, this value is about each individual's personal truth. I crave knowing people in this way — the depth and details of what’s true for them.
I want us to see one another, naked and standing in our truths.
I imagine that picture I painted has turned off at least half of the women reading this. That what I describe is the polar opposite of what you desire.
That’s the truth of values themselves. What I value and what you value may not be the same.
These differences are the root of much of the interpersonal conflict you experience. It feels like someone is stomping over what’s most important to you when their values are different from yours.
It’s tempting to want everyone to value the same things, because it seems that would make your life easier. But it would also dilute your magic to meet a generic form of what it means to be a human. That’s the opposite of what we want for women.
Differences in value around truth telling have gotten me into trouble.
I’ve been short on patience with people. Even the ones I love.
I’ve felt angry at people who’ve held their truth back. It’s felt personal.
Sourcing ideas from others has exhausted me.
I’ve felt antsy in meetings and casual get-togethers when I sense we are talking around something for too long.
Others have felt jarred and unsettled by how I’ve expressed this value. I've shut people down further. I've disrupted the likelihood they'd give me the gift of hearing their truth.
After years of confusion, I was able to see not everyone holds this value the way I do.
They haven’t craved uncovering their truth the way I have my whole life. There’s nothing on their mind or heart they’re choosing not to disclose. Even if they are, they may not feel the urge to say it the way I do.
A tip to lead with your values, even when they’re unique
A deep, uncomfortable loneliness has sometimes been the result of accepting these differences.
I’ve been tempted to wish this value away, but it never works. It lives in the core of who I am as a human in this world.
I’ve tried to demand others rise up to deliver what I value. This too, never works.
So what else is possible?
What’s worked for me is viewing my core value of truth telling like a diamond. No two diamonds are alike.
When I can honor my value and relax into knowing it’s unique to me, creativity rises to the surface. Navigating how to lead from that value feels experimental. I’m better able to pay attention to my impact on others and adjust how I respond to create the impact I want without sacrificing my commitment to my value.
Is it still lonely? Yes, sometimes.
But when I embrace that this value lives within me, I feel both powerful and playful. I have the resilience to keep going and learning and still feel like me as I do.
Call for Reflection
What diamond in you is craving your love and attention?
Shine On,
Alicia