It’s not about your credibility
A woman in a workshop we led last month spoke about the importance of credibility in her work environment. She was speaking to a belief many women we work with hold tightly.
“Only after I have more credibility”
The belief is about holding yourself back because you think you need more credibility. It keeps you stuck. A persistent focus on credibility prevents you from stretching yourself. It invokes a tendency to postpone your dreams for a future where you have more credibility.
This becomes an even bigger problem when you move the measuring stick. It’s tempting to find a new bar for credibility.
The need to prove credibility
The woman who spoke up at our workshop was having a hard time proving her credibility. She had more than a decade of experience in her field, but her peers and superiors questioned her on everything.
She was having a miserable experience, even with subject matter where she held clear credibility. She had years of experience in similar contexts, but she couldn’t imagine taking on any work that deviated from things that she’d already done or knew with certainty how to do. She couldn’t bear a line of questions about something she was newly learning or doing for the first time.
The reality of relying on credibility
The line of questions coming at this woman are micro aggressions.
No one explicitly told her their questions were to address concerns with her credibility, but she'd learned over time, through subtle cues, to connect the questions to her credibility. She'd address them by speaking to her credibility. Despite her patience, poise and perfection, she always felt like she failed. Her answers weren’t satisfactory. She couldn’t find a way to please her coworkers.
She was carrying out a brilliantly resourceful conditioned response. It didn't always work, which is the experience she brought up in the workshop. But it led to some success by external measures. She was senior in her career.
Yet this unending way of responding tired her. It required her to carry a lot of responsibility and took a significant amount of time. Hence why she couldn't imagine a stretch.
Why credibility won’t satisfy them
This woman’s credibility was not the problem. She had the credibility.
Her co-workers’ questions weren’t about her. The questions were about them. That truth can be hard to imagine. It's unconscious to the people firing off questions, and it's painted over by society.
Their questions may be about their:
lack of perceived power or control.
discomfort with their inadequacy.
being in over their heads.
inability to take on a role besides questioning women.
disagreement with a decision or direction.
It could be any one of those things about them. It is not about her credibility.
Credibility and the Supreme Court confirmation hearing
Did you tune into any of the confirmation hearings for Judge Ketanji Brown Jackson? The American people are told confirmation hearings are to assess a nominee’s credibility. It's due diligence. It's all for the public's interest.
No matter how you slice Judge Jackson’s experience, it far outweighs those of other justices on the bench. The obscurity of the questions asked of her were a far cry from determining credibility.
Imagine that, after experiencing those four days, she walked away questioning her own credibility. It's hard to imagine when you see it happening to her. Over there. But it's happening to you, too.
I'm suggesting you don't take it on.
What it means to not take it on — an alternative response
When you take people’s questioning of your credibility personally, you focus on increasing your credibility.
You do this by giving voice to the credibility you have, as Judge Jackson did. In other cases, you take on the responsibility of increasing your credibility by gaining more skills.
Here are two things you can do to avoid taking on the credibility burden:
If you are skill seeking to increase others’ perception of your credibility, stop. Sometimes a position requires a real credential or skill. That's true far less frequently than you think. Especially before you stretch yourself.
Respond differently to a line of questions. Instead of taking responsibility to identify the reason for their questions, ask. After they ask two or three questions, you could ask, “What is the intent behind your questions?” Or you might say, “I can see you have concerns. What is your biggest concern so I can address it head on?"
Either of those questions puts you back in the driver’s seat. It stops the merciless questioning. You gain some of your power back.
Call for reflection:
Where do you feel like you’re proving your credibility? How are you doing it? Question whether you need to prove your credibility. If you didn't, how would you shift your response?
Shine On,
Alicia