Conflict cannot survive without your participation
- Wayne Dyer
One of the most common takeaways clients' state receiving from coaching is the ability to see (and better control) their part in any situation. This includes both the way they see things (their current perspective) and how they show up (their actions). Conflict - both the obvious flavor and the subtleties that float below the surface - provides a great practice ground for this concept. Individuals in earlier stages of emotional intelligence (EQ) development view conflict as "he did this, she did that, they did this." Their focus is tuned to everything about the other party's fuel igniting the fire.
Seasoned leaders understand Wayne's Dyer's words of wisdom. They acknowledge that they are participating in the conflict. They see the only key to resolution is to understand their contribution. They recognize that in most situations bystanders are hard to identify because they rarely exist. This is the essence of the old saying that "it takes two to tango." The dance of conflict cannot continue in its original form if one part of the pair (you) changes their steps.
The reward of this practice is gaining an ability to influence conflict by seeing your steps and choosing different action. Your responsibility is served alongside the possibility of change. Without this view, conflict resolution bleeds into conflict avoidance and the cost of avoidance is high. Less risk taking, less innovation, less leaps.
Where do you have conflict in your life in this moment? Reflect on your contribution. How do you want to alter your steps?